Plight of a Frequent Air Traveller

I bring to you a list of things that should not be witnessed during the course of a flight or whilst sitting in theboarding lounge.  Going to school in a different province equates to me spending a phenomenal amount of time on airplanes and therefore in airports.  I’ve become a bit of a pro at packing my carry-on luggage, and can consistently get right on the nose 50lbs in my packed luggage.  I however, have also developed a bit of a laundry list of things that when I see them over the course of my time from the moment I enter my taxi to or from the airport to the moment I touch down, really sincerely bother me.  (The fact that I can’t seem to figure out where to put the commas in that previous sentence also annoys me.)  I am vaguely judgemental, but I also feel as though my knowledge and experience flying should be passed on to the greater public.  Do enjoy, and perhaps remember these things the next time you’re flying…you never know, I could be watching (and how creepy does that sound…).

Said list:

  • Anything in lime green should be avoided.  It will most likely induce headaches for individuals having to look at the Swiss luggage bag that you’re swinging violently as you gesture to the security checkpoint employees.
  • Witnessed:  A small Asian mother walking in between her two tween-aged children with a hand on either back, pushing them along on their wheelie sneakers.  This for me is the epitome of encouraging lazy travel in small children – at least make them run a few steps and then glide along.  Watching this I felt as though it was simply a glorified way of pushing your children along in a stroller.  There’s a reason why children over the age of approximately five are too large for strollers, they’re not meant to be pushed.
  • Any description of sleeping cuddling PDA.  I realize that there’s a significantly possibility that you’re tired while you’re sitting here in the airport, but making the people around you feel as though they’re watching a cozy moment between you and your partner is not appropriate for public spaces.
  • Comfortable clothing is fine to travel in, glorified dressed up clothing ins not.  Save your excessively studded bags, thigh high furry boots, and long leather trench coats for…well I don’t know when all of that when worn together would ever be able to be classified as anything but tacky.
  • Corral your children.  Airport seats and other people are not jungle gyms.  I get the fact that it’s hard to keep a child amused while going through long flights, but they should behave.  I don’t care if they’re cute, or wearing red footie pyjamas with rocket ships all over them and carting around a pink and blue blanket with teddy bears – I do not appreciate getting my shins kicked by them.
  • This is not your living room.  Do not take up a significant amount of space by splaying all of your carry on possessions around the boarding lobby.  Take up one, maximum two seats in the boarding lounge – and you only get to take up two if you’re desperately trying to make sure that the creeper doesn’t sit next to you while you’re trying to enjoy the small amount of personal space that you have before you have absolutely none on the flight.
  • Also learn what is appropriate loungewear.  Pyjama pants, anything with rips or tears in a fabric that is not denim (and even then is questionable under normal circumstances) is not designed to be paraded around the airport.  Please remember that although you’re inclined to be comfortable the world is still going to see you.
  • An observation from my window seat – how many ground attendants to does it take to load the bags?  Ten apparently.  You do not need to train people to load bags onto planes so that’s not an excuse, do not feed me that line, I’m not dense.
  • Dear flight attendant, thank-you for having just a bit of an attitude…it’s a get things done efficiently kind of mantra that with a little touch of bitch that works just fine for me.  That sarcasm is thoroughly entertaining and people are happy to oblige when you’re willing to have a little fun as you’re telling them what to do.
  • Dear seating gods, just once can you put me beside an attractive single male as opposed to any one of the following: nervous flyer, passenger with strongly scented food, annoyed perpetual flyer who thinks they can do no wrong, or fidgety passenger.  On a side note, today seems to be alright – pregnant middle seat passenger who is incredibly well organized, came prepared and knows what she’s doing.
  • I should not be able to hear your music through your earphones at any point in my life, but particularly when I’m doing anything related to air travel.  If you’re blasting it that loud then you are not only damaging your own eardrums, but you’re also forcing me to listen to music that odds are I wouldn’t want to listen to.
  • Also, dear passenger that’s probably sitting at least two rows in front of me:  your perfume or cologne is too strong.  Smelling nice on a plane means being clean and wearing deodorant.  It does not mean that you need to break out the heavily scented stuff.  Spray it once you get off the plane if you must or for the person greeting you.  But either find a scent that’s less intrusive or refrain from wearing it at all.

Am I saying that I’m consistently found innocent of any one of these offences?  I’d like to think that I’m conscious enough of all of them ot be able to say yes, but I know I’m guilty of slipping up on occasion.  I spend a phenomenal amount of time on planes however, so I try and subscribe to the following idea:

If habit or tendency x/y/z would bother me, then it quite possibly bothers others an hence I should probably refrain from engaging in it myself.

As for blogging etiquette while in flight…?  Well if you’re reading over my shoulder I guess it’s fair game for you to read, but commentary on what I’m writing is not really necessary to deliver.  Log onto my blog and leave a digital comment so it can live on longer than my memory on what on earth you decided to say to me in person.

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